


Desolate

by MysticMoonlight_04



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon), 悪魔城ドラキュラ | Castlevania Series
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heartbreak, Introspection, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 14:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticMoonlight_04/pseuds/MysticMoonlight_04
Summary: After putting an end to his father's madness, Alucard can finally forget it all.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	Desolate

Alucard was sitting on the floor of his father’s library when he heard the massive doors to the castle open. The sun had just fallen below the horizon, and he heard Trevor and Sypha’s voices coming from the castle entrance. They had gone out for a walk through the woods, while Alucard had stayed in the castle. He had spent most of his time on the floor with his back to the wall, and his head tilted back against the cool stone. He was silently pondering the recent events that had happened in his life. His mother had died. His father had hurt him. He had slept for a year. His father had wanted to kill him. He had killed his own father...

A sharp pain made its way through Alucard’s chest. He leaned forward and exhaled slowly until the pain ceased. Alucard didn’t want to remember what had happened the night before. The way that he had shoved the stake through his father’s chest. The way that his boots were soaked in his own father’s blood. The way that his father had reached out to him, as if he had wanted to give his son one final embrace...

Alucard shook the thoughts from his head. He knew that his father had died a long time ago. The man that he had killed the previous night was a monster. But...he had called Alucard “son.” In that moment, Dracula had realized his actions. It was as if the father that Alucard had once known and loved—the man that his _mother_ had loved—was trapped in the body of a bloodthirsty monster. Alucard had killed the man in his moment of vulnerability. Alucard had killed the loving side of his father in order to destroy the monster underneath. He had killed his own father...

“Alucard!”

Alucard jumped slightly upon hearing Sypha’s voice.

“Alucard, where are you?” Sypha called.

The dhampir rose to his feet, and at that moment, Trevor wandered into the library. 

“Oh. There you are,” the hunter said.

Trevor looked happier now than Alucard had ever seen him. His face was a rosy shade of pink, and his eyes sparkled. The traces of a smile still lingered at his lips. Whatever he had talked about with Sypha must have really gotten to him, in a good way. 

“Did you have a nice time?” Alucard asked flatly.

“Uh...yeah, actually. We did,” Trevor said, giving Alucard a strange look. “What have you been up to?”

“Ah—Never mind that. What are your plans for the night?” Alucard asked hesitantly, changing the subject. “Will you and Sypha find an inn nearby, or something of the sort?”

Trevor scoffed. “What do you mean? You have a perfectly good castle. Are we not welcome to sleep here for the night?”

Alucard looked at the ground. 

“I assumed that you would prefer something less...dreary,” he said quietly.

“Well, you’re wrong for once in your life,” Trevor said. “There’s no reason not to sleep here, and I’m sure you’ve got a million bedrooms in this place. Besides, it’s already late, and I am _exhausted_.”

“Me too,” Sypha said as she walked into the library. 

Alucard studied Sypha’s face. Like Trevor, she also looked very content and cheerful. She wore a bright smile that promised better days. Alucard started to wonder what it was that his companions had talked about when they went into the woods. The dhampir dispelled the thought—it was none of his business.

“All right,” Alucard started. “I will direct you to the bedrooms. Follow me.”

“Wait,” Trevor said, as Alucard looked back at him. “Aren’t we going to eat anything?”

Alucard blinked, his expression blank and hard to read. 

“Yes, I suppose,” he finally said. “We can eat in the dining room, but I will have to look for some food. I do not think that my father’s generals consumed much of anything except for blood.”

“Would you like some help?” Sypha asked. 

“No,” Alucard said. “You two can go and sit at the table. The dining room is down the hall. I will not take long.” 

With that, Alucard disappeared in a flash of red. He headed towards the kitchen and looked through the pantries. The dhampir managed to find some dried meat, though it wasn’t much. Suddenly, Alucard’s heightened senses picked up on the sound of laughter. He could hear Sypha laughing from the dining room. She and Trevor had seemed so happy lately. Alucard wished that he could say the same. A slight lingering pain returned to his chest as he slowly made his way back to the dining room. He took a few deep breaths outside of the dining room entrance in an attempt to ease the pain and compose himself. Before he stepped in, he heard his companions speaking to one another. 

“We are going to have so many amazing adventures together!” Sypha exclaimed.

“Yeah, it’ll be great,” Trevor said lightly. “Trouble, but great.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fun!” Sypha said. 

“I know,” the hunter replied. 

“Hey,” Sypha started. “I can do _anything_ with you by my side. We will be perfectly fine.”

Trevor laughed. “What could go wrong?” 

At that moment Alucard stepped into the room. Trevor and Sypha’s smiles wavered, but they looked kindly at the dhampir. 

“I found some food,” Alucard said. “It is not much, but it will do. I do not need to eat as you do, so you two can have it all if you would like.” 

“Thank you, Alucard,” Sypha said. 

Alucard sat at the head of the table, with Sypha on his left and Trevor on his right. He stared intently at the tabletop as his companions ate, and the pain in his chest arose once again. He felt an unpleasant chill move through his body, and he quickly excused himself to grab his coat and gloves, which he had left out in the hallway. Alucard returned to the dining room, and as he took his seat at the table, Trevor looked up at him. 

“Where are _you_ going?” he asked. 

“What do you mean?” asked Alucard. 

Trevor gestured at the dhampir. “What, are you cold or something?”

Alucard shook his head. “It is none of your concern, Belmont. Now hurry up and eat so we can get on with the night.”

Trevor raised an eyebrow at him. “Got any plans for tonight?”

Alucard sighed in exasperation. “No, but I would much rather be doing something else than sitting here and watching your eat your food like a savage.”

“Hey, nobody told you that you had to sit here with us,” Trevor retorted. “Just get out, then.”

“This _is _his castle,” Sypha interjected, looking at Trevor. “Technically, we are guests here, which means that _you _should show a little respect.” 

Trevor laughed. “We’re the _guests_ here? I’m sorry, I didn’t know that killing Dracula was such a formality.”

“That is _enough_,” Alucard said as he abruptly stood up. “If you want me to leave, then fine. I will.”

Alucard turned around and stalked out of the dining room. 

Sypha reached her hand out. “Alucard—”

“Forget it, Sypha,” Trevor said. “Better off without him here, anyway.”

Sypha gave him as a disapproving look. “Don’t say that, Trevor. He’s been through a lot.”

“Yeah, we all have,” said Trevor, slightly annoyed. “We just killed fucking Dracula for God’s sake.” 

“Yes, but remember,” Sypha started. “Dracula was also Alucard’s father. There was a time when he was capable of love...and Alucard is living proof of that love.” 

***

Alucard made his way to the castle entrance. There were still remains of the vampires that the trio had fought the night before, but the dhampir ignored them. He sat on the staircase leading up to his father’s throne, and he put his head in his hands due to exhaustion. If he wasn’t wanted, then so be it. He was tired of putting up with the Belmont and his insults. He knew that Sypha meant well, but he couldn’t deal with her at the moment either.

Alucard thought back to what he had overheard before he had stepped into the dining room. _We are going to have so many amazing adventures together!_ Sypha had said. Alucard assumed that she had meant Trevor and herself. He knew that his companions were going to leave soon. Sypha was going to return to her caravan, and Alucard supposed that Trevor was going with her. Where else was the hunter supposed to go anyway? 

Alucard knew that it would come to this. His companions were going to leave, and he would be alone yet again. 

“Alucard!” Sypha’s voice echoed through the entrance hall. 

Alucard didn’t bother to look up. He then felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Alucard, what’s the matter?” Sypha asked. 

The dhampir took a deep breath as he lifted his head. Sypha was looking down at him, with Trevor close behind her.

“Nothing is wrong,” said Alucard. “Come, let me show you to your rooms so you two can get some rest.”

Alucard stood up and pushed his hair back before continuing down the stairs with a sigh. He walked ahead of his companions and turned a corner to a staircase that led to the upper levels of the castle. Once at the top of the stairs, Alucard turned into a dimly lit corridor and stopped in front of an elaborately carved door. He turned the doorknob, revealing the luxurious bedroom inside. 

“One of you can have this room, and the other can have that one,” Alucard said, gesturing towards a door on the opposite side of the corridor. “The rooms are identical. I will be down the hall if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Alucard,” Sypha said. 

Alucard nodded in response. He started to walk down the hallway, but Sypha grabbed his hand. Alucard froze, but he did not look at the Speaker. Sypha looked as if she wanted to say something, but she couldn’t form the words before Alucard removed his hand from her grasp and continued down the hall. Trevor gave Sypha a questioning look.

“What was that about?” he asked once Alucard was a distance away. 

“Something is...not right,” Sypha replied. “Alucard, he...he has an air of sorrow about him.”

“Ah, don’t worry about him,” Trevor said. “He’s just being dramatic. Now, which room do you want?”

Sypha sighed, knowing that Trevor had only wanted to change the subject.

“This one is fine,” she said as she stepped into the room that Alucard had opened. “It’s a beautiful room.”

“I wonder if it’s ever been used,” Trevor said. “I mean, it’s a massive castle, there’s got to be about a hundred rooms just like this one.”

“It must have been lonely,” Sypha said. “I feel so small already with all of these empty rooms.”

Trevor scoffed. “Lonely? For who, Dracula? He had a castle full of vampire generals and other creatures of the night.”

“I suppose...” Sypha said. “But it’s not really the same as, you know, a close friend or family member.”

“Sure,” Trevor said as he opened the door to his room. “God, I can’t believe I’m going to spend the night in one of the bedrooms of Dracula’s Castle. This is ridiculous.”

“At least it’s a bed instead of dirt in the woods,” Sypha said. “And it’s clean.”

“Are you sure about that?” Trevor asked.

“Oh, stop it,” Sypha said with a sigh. “Now, go to sleep. We’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

Before closing her door, Sypha smiled and turned around to look at Trevor. 

“Good night, Trevor,” she said. 

Trevor returned the smile. “Good night.”

***

Even after Alucard left Trevor and Sypha at their bedrooms, he could still hear their conversation. Sypha had acted worried about him, but Alucard didn’t care. The dhampir walked down the dark hallway, but he paused in front of his father’s study. He cautiously stepped inside, as if entering the room was forbidden. The last time he was in Dracula’s study, his father had slammed him into the fireplace. His father’s large chair was knocked over, and his mother’s portrait was on the floor. Alucard stared at the painting of his beautiful mother. He studied the portrait, remembering back to the times when he would wake up every day to the sight of his mother smiling at him and wishing him a good morning. It seemed like centuries had passed since he had last seen his mother. He missed her greatly. 

Alucard thought about what he was going to do now that his parents were gone. Trevor had given him the Belmont Hold, so Alucard supposed that he could work on repairs for it and the castle. It meant a lot to him that the Belmont had given him his old home, and Trevor had asked Alucard to make something of it, but what did he expect? Alucard would finish up repairs eventually, but what would he do after that? Maybe he should just go back to sleep under Gresit, and never wake up. 

Alucard took a shaky breath as he looked around the room. The castle felt empty enough as it was, even with Trevor and Sypha right down the hall. It felt terrible. He didn’t know who would want to live in such an environment, but he had no other choice. 

***

Sypha tried to fall asleep, but something was bothering her. The room wasn’t the problem—the bed was very comfortable, and the moonlight offered a sense of safety as it shone through the curtains. There was just a feeling of unease in the atmosphere, as if something terrible was about to happen. Sypha finally got up out of the bed, opened her door, and walked across the hall to Trevor’s room. She quietly knocked on the door and waited outside. After a moment, the door opened, and a tired-looking Trevor stood in the doorway. 

“Sypha?” he asked. “What are you doing up?”

“I can’t sleep,” she replied.

“Come in,” Trevor said, and he shut the door behind the Speaker as she stepped inside the room.

“I feel it again. Something’s not right,” Sypha said.

“Oh, don’t tell me this is about Alucard again,” Trevor said with a look of slight annoyance. “Unbelievable. He’s preventing me from sleeping, and he’s not even here.”

“I’m serious, Trevor,” Sypha said. “We should check on him.”

“There’s no need, Sypha,” Trevor responded. “Go back to sleep. I’m ready to just get out of this hellhole and away from its occupant.”

“Trevor!” Sypha scolded. 

“What?” Trevor demanded. “You said it yourself. He’s a cold spot in the room, and it’s lonely when you’re standing next to him. He won’t do good to either of us.”

***

Alucard felt a stab of pain in his chest as he heard Trevor’s words from down the hall. Maybe the Belmont was right. He wouldn’t do them any good. He probably wouldn’t do anybody any good if what Sypha had said was true—that it was lonely when she was standing next to him. Alucard couldn’t help it. He had lost everything that was dear to him. He had no mother and he had no father. Perhaps it was his own fault. No—it _was_ his fault. He wasn’t there for his mother when she needed him. He was the one who had taken his father’s life. His loneliness was his own doing. Alucard let out a small sob and dropped to his knees, weighed down by a terrible pain in his chest that was worse than he had ever felt before. As he clutched his chest, Alucard realized that the pain was heartbreak. He had nothing else to live for. What was the point of living if nobody wanted him around? Was he just supposed to look after the castle and the Belmont Hold for the rest of his life? To what end? What was the point? 

Alucard grabbed his father’s fallen chair so he could pull himself up, but before he rose from his position on the floor, he felt something poke his hand. He looked down and saw two sharp points on the top of the chair that served as decoration. Alucard slowly wrapped his fingers around one of the wooden stakes as he let the thought sink into his mind. Yes, he was going to end his life once and for all. Tears slipped silently down his cheeks, but he brushed them away with his gloved hand. He didn’t have to feel the pain anymore. He didn’t have to live through the misery and the loneliness of the world. He didn’t have to live through the guilt of killing his father, or not being there for his mother. He knew that nobody would miss him—Trevor and Sypha were going to leave in the morning anyway. Besides, he meant nothing to them. They had only traveled together for the purpose of killing his father. The purpose was fulfilled, leaving Alucard alone, and no longer needed. 

Alucard drew in a deep breath as he used the last of his energy to rip the stake from the chair. The dhampir held on tightly to the only thing that could end his miserable life. He positioned the sharp point so that it rested on the left side of his chest—right on top of his slowly beating heart. Alucard closed his eyes, and plunged the stake into his chest.

***

“Alucard!” Sypha screamed as she arrived in the doorway of Dracula’s study.

Alucard’s golden eyes flew open in shock. He was about to just ignore Sypha and finish the job that needed to be done, but something in his conscience told him to stop. Alucard looked down at his hands, which were both tightly closed around the stake. Blood streamed from Alucard’s chest and down his torso, as he had already shoved the stake halfway to its destination. Trevor came up behind Sypha, and he stared in shock at the dhampir. 

“Oh, Alucard...” Sypha whispered.

Her face was strained, as if she was about to cry. She knelt down beside Alucard and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Alucard,” she started. “Can you remove your hands from the stake?”

Alucard sat unmoving for a moment. He never took his eyes off of the stake in his chest. He didn’t want to remove his hands. He wanted to finish what he had started. Why should he not? There was nothing in this world for him. Alucard hesitated, but he finally looked up at Sypha. Her big blue eyes were full of sorrow for the dhampir. Alucard’s breath hitched suddenly, and tears escaped his eyes as he began to cry. He realized too late that his mother would not have wanted this for him. He had done a terrible thing.

Alucard released his grip on the stake and tried to stop his hands from trembling. Sypha put her hands on the piece of wood that was still in Alucard’s chest and she looked up at him. 

“I’m going to remove the stake now, all right?” she asked. 

Without further warning, she yanked the stake out of Alucard’s chest and set it aside. He let out a small whimper as the wood was dislodged from his flesh. The bleeding stopped shortly after, and Alucard knew that the puncture would heal eventually. 

Trevor had knelt down next to Sypha and Alucard, and he was surprisingly quiet. Alucard avoided all eye contact, as he began to feel incredibly guilty. The three sat for a moment without saying a word, the only sounds coming from Alucard’s muffled sobs. He couldn't see straight, and his head swam with the terrible thoughts that had led him to do what he had done. 

“I-I am sorry,” Alucard choked out between sobs. 

“No, Alucard. Do not apologize,” Sypha said gently. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Yes, I do,” Alucard said quietly. “I w-was being incredibly selfish. I...I thought I could rid myself of the pain.”

Alucard took a deep breath, and he broke down again. 

“Shh, it’s all right, Alucard,” Sypha said in an attempt to comfort him. “Can you tell me exactly what is troubling you?”

Alucard tried to speak, but he was so overwhelmed with sorrow and guilt that he slumped forward in a mess of blood and tears. Sypha caught him in her arms, not minding the fact that blood was getting all over her robes. She wrapped her arms tightly around Alucard’s trembling form, while remaining mindful of the wound in his chest. After a while, Alucard’s breathing steadied, and the stab wound healed. 

“There is nothing left for me in this world,” Alucard said quietly, without lifting his head from Sypha’s embrace. 

Sypha lifted Alucard up so that she could see his face. Alucard slowly opened his eyes, which were flooded with tears. His expression was full of sadness and pain. 

“What do you mean?” Sypha asked.

Alucard let out another small sob. “My mother is gone. My father is gone. You two are leaving...” he gasped as he tried to stop his tears before continuing. “And...and I will be alone. I have no reason to live.”

“Hey, that’s not true,” Trevor said. “Remember, I gave you the Belmont Hold. You also have your father’s castle to look after. You can protect both of our homes and make something great out of them.”

“To what end?!” Alucard exclaimed, anger suddenly written in his features. “Perhaps you just gave me the Belmont Hold to simply look after your family’s treasures so that you can go off and live your life without having to worry about it!” Alucard’s expression fell. “I-I am sorry, I did not mean—”

Alucard’s breathing became panicked, and tears formed in his eyes once again. 

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Trevor said.

Sypha grabbed Alucard’s arms to steady him as a storm of thoughts and emotions flooded his mind. He closed his eyes in an attempt to make the terrible thoughts go away, but to no avail. 

“Alucard,” Sypha started. “We cannot undo what has already been done. Yes, your parents are no longer with you...but weare. Trevor and I. We are here for you. We can help you through this. I know that you are grieving, and that you do not want to live anymore, but this...” Sypha gestured at the bloody stake on the floor. “This is not the answer. You _do _have a reason to live. You can protect and continue the legacy of your family—you are the best of both of your parents, and you can do _amazing_ things. You were a hero to the people of Gresit when they knew you as the Sleeping Soldier, and they had never even met you.”

Alucard brushed his tears from his cheeks without opening his eyes, but he was listening. Trevor took Sypha’s hand and cleared his throat. He rested his other hand on Alucard’s shoulder—a firm and sturdy grip to keep the dhampir grounded.

“You are not alone,” the Belmont said. “You have us. We may not be here with you all the time, but we will be here for you when you need us.”

“We don’t have to leave tomorrow morning,” Sypha said. “We can stay with you—”

“No,” Alucard interrupted. “You need to rejoin your caravan, Sypha, and I know that you despise the castle, Belmont. You two should leave.”

“We’re not going anywhere,” Trevor said. 

Alucard finally opened his eyes and looked up at Trevor. “And what do you plan to do here?”

“Stay with you,” Sypha said simply. 

“I will only be a burden to you,” Alucard said quietly. 

“No, you won’t, Alucard,” Sypha said. “We care about your wellbeing. We...don’t want you to leave us.”

Sypha looked down at the stake before she let go of Trevor’s hand to pick it up.

“Please...don’t do this,” she said. 

Alucard sat still for a while, before he gave a small nod. Trevor stood up and offered his hand out to the dhampir.

“Come on, Alucard,” he said. “We should get out of here. You don’t need to be weighed down by the memories of this room. At least not right now.”

Alucard gripped Trevor’s forearm, and the hunter helped him to his feet. The dhampir suddenly heard a crackling noise behind him, and he turned around to see Sypha burning the wooden stake with her magic. 

“You won’t be needing that anymore,” she said. 

Sypha placed her hand on Alucard’s back and led him out of the room, with Trevor in the lead. 

“Let’s go to my bedroom,” Trevor said. “We can all talk. Tell us what’s on your mind, Alucard. Get everything off of your chest.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Sypha said, before looking at Alucard. “Are you all right?”

Alucard nodded, and he felt the pain slowly leave his chest as the trio made their way down the hallway.

“Thank you,” he said after a moment, keeping his voice quiet. “For everything. I do not deserve your kindness, yet here you are.”

“We will always be here for you,” Sypha said, as she placed her hand over Alucard’s heart. “We may not be your parents, but we care about you nonetheless. As long as we’re alive, you don’t ever have to worry about being alone. We will be here.”

The dhampir nodded once again as Sypha took his hand. 

Alucard was grateful that his companions had prevented him from taking his own life, when he truly had so much to live for.


End file.
